Why do we have to die? I was a little boy when I first found out about death. I cannot still grasp the concept of vanishing into the void. What happens when we die? I cringe when I think about death. The fear of dying, the fear of losing someone to death, the fear of not being able to be with someone for eternally makes everything around me meaningless, like a big joke. What would have happened if I was not even born? Will be sitting somewhere far far away resenting rejecting the offer to be born? Or I would have been relieved that I will not have to bear the pain of death. If I die, will I still exist somewhere and feel the pain of never being able to be with the loved ones again? Or there will be a great reunion with each and everyone I know? There are nights when I lay down on my bed thinking about life being such an ephemeral thing, I lay down helplessly weeping. 

I was driving when I heard Patrick Phillips reciting his poem Heaven. Patrick does not believe in God or after-life. He wrote this poem after the death of his father-in-law. It was after a long time that I was hearing a poem and the poet's pain resonated with me. I could feel how he was trying to find solace. For a brief moment, that piece of writing gave me some comfort too. I too accepted the nothingness after death without any agony, but of course, for a brief moment. Then pain of future death loomed back.

Heaven by Patrick Phillips

It will be the past
and we'll live there together.
Not as it was to live
but as it is remembered.
It will be the past.
We'll all go back together.
Everyone we ever loved,
and lost, and must remember.
It will be the past.
And it will last forever.

Published at: 09/19/2016